TRUST

I have been thinking about trusting.  Not so much trusting other people; but trusting myself and trusting that things can and do shift from circumstances that feel undesirable. 

The source of all this thinking was trying to get to sleep.   

I don’t have insomnia, but I am aware that my sleep could be more restful and restorative.  The addition of two dogs who now sleep on my bed has definitely not helped, as sweet as they are, rolling over to get a face full of curly black fur is not the highlight of my night.  Add this to my regular trips to the bathroom and morning can often arrive with me wondering if I slept at all.  My new smart watch assures me that I do sleep, but things could definitely be improved, so I have begun meditating during the day and listen to a relaxation recording once I’m in bed.  A few nights in and an odd realization struck, the tape advises to sink into my mattress, to feel the support underneath my body, and even though each individual piece of me had been successfully relaxed, I was aware that I was really making an effort to support myself.  The sensation was more of hovering slightly over the mattress rather than sinking into it.  The message I sent myself was that I needed to make more effort to stop making an effort!  I was getting relaxing wrong. This attitude is yet another way in which my lack of trust was emerging.  I didn’t trust that I could make this new nightly practice work for me. 

Over the last few days I have tapped into a powerful teacher, nature, to find something to inspire an alternative approach.  The river is quite fast moving at the moment, it has a power and an energy to flow that doesn’t require any person making an effort to make it happen.  Likewise, buds are forming, and the trees are moving towards Spring even though the days have been grey and bleak, and the ground is soggy with mud.

So, it isn’t about what I do to make meditation or relaxation recordings work, it is about letting go of a distrust that insists unless I do something, they won’t work.  Like the river and the budding of new growth their power is already within them.  If I show my trust by turning up daily or at least often, their power to help me, like my mattress’s ability to support, will flow and flower. 

Much love ,

Juliette x